Wow, It has been a very long time since I even saw this page. I had forgotten I ever made it. I was hospitalized for anorexia. Twice. 4 different treatment plans since october. I feel so different now. these posts from before, they're just not like me anymore. I'm an entirely different person. I'm turning 18 very soon now, and what do I think of my eating disorder? I think its an eating disorder. I'm not happy its there. I dont want it but at the same time I will never let go of it. not that it would ever try and leave me. I'll always hear you ana. So here's what happened. I tried outpatient in october, and it did nothing. I dropped to 83 lbs and got hospitalized. gained to 95 then left, relapsed, lost to 78 lbs. my heart rate was 25. extremely dangerous. It doesnt even phase me that I was about to die. I even look back and think I felt great, I was hospitalized again. I was so angry, I had told my dad what I was doing myself, I was going to take care of business, but then I got the stomach flu, had to go to the hospital. they checked me in and back into a recovery center. I was in the ER for a couple days, then the ICU, then the recovery center eighth floor for a couple weeks, then the inpatient program, now im in IOP. weird world this is. weird perosn I am. My hair has gone through a transformation, it decided to be natural again. I'm blonde. and I wont have to dye my hair ever again. How weird has my life been?

quite