Most times I'm alive and I just don't want to eat. Other times I'm high and I can't stop myself from eating, so I stick some fingers down my throat.. And Every time that i'm awake, alive, and high, I dream about the days I die in my sober nothing but bones. Sometimes I wonder if this is how everyone else lives their lives? hating their bodies, hurting their organs, intoxicating their minds. to save themselves from... pain? isn't that what I'm doing here? saving myself from the pain, but i guess you could say im saving myself from ignorance. because if i were truly ignorant i'd be okay with the fat that covers my bones, happy with the situations i live in, and every night i'd be asleep by ten o'clock. but instead, i hate the fat that covers my perfect bones, i smoke to fog the situation i'm in and i'm awake now aren't i?
I never thought I'd see the day where I would yell at my mother.
and blame her for my problems.
I swear mom I love you, and it scares me that I exhibit the exact behaviors you had as a child.
I think thats what accounts for my hostile actions
the fear that i'll be asking my daughter the same questions every few minutes
because i wont remember the answer she gave me minutes before
I'm scared mom, that you are me
I want to take care of you but as long as its not me im really taking care of
because I want you to be happy mom
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