July'10

Today I told a close friend of mine about something i'm worried about. That thing is that I may have a stomach ulcer from purging. I've been noticing blood in my vomit, and I'm having really intense abdominal pain, it makes me scared, but getting the food out of my system seems more important to me. She wasn't angry with me, she said she'd be there for me, but she thinks i should see a doctor and i don't want to because it puts me at risk for people finding out about my ednos and finding the thc hiding in my system, On top of purging and fasting I take diet pills and exercise regularly. A friend of mine is trying to get me closer to God, and he doesn't understand the way I live my life. I smoke a few bowls daily, and he thinks it should be easier for me to quit, but it isn't. being sober is painful for me, I've given so much damage to myself. Physical, emotional, and spiritual. and im scared to face what i am when im not fogged up in my own world.